Professional Amateur

Lightle and Martin, coming to YOU live!

2008-09-01T17:25:00.001-07:00

My friend and I started a blog for ourselves over here.

I'm not sure what will happen with this blog now. I deleted the other one since I'm not so into keeping a diary on the internet anymore, but I understand that you, my family and friends, are still interested in my life, etc. We'll see how it shakes out.

The Top 5 Movies That Take Place Over 24 Hours...

2008-08-11T20:49:00.001-07:00

...are also some of the best stoner movies ever made. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Disclaimer:All the movies are listed in order of my personal preference, with number 1 being most preferred. NOT according to quality -- technically, cinematically, or otherwise. If they were, 1 would be 1, 2 would be 4, 3 would be 5, 4 would be 3, and 5 would be 2. This is not a complete list of all the movies that take place over 24 hours or the best stoner movies. It's a list of movies I consider to be the best of both worlds.

5. American Graffiti (1973)

Don't get baked before running to the video store, or you may come back with More American Graffiti, which would really, really blow. Hard.

This may not be a straight up drug movie, but it is definitely a good movie to watch “under the influence.” The plot(s), while many and varied, are simple and easy to keep track of, and some jokes that now seem dated, are downright hilarious while baked. Assumedly because today’s youth doesn’t quite understand all the zany slang, and there’s nothing funnier to a stoner than gibberish. Also, any habitual pot smoker can relate to driving aimlessly through one’s hometown and stopping to eat every half hour.

4. The Breakfast Club (1985)

There’s nothing my generation loves more than the 80’s. We don’t know, or care why, we just love them. Everyone has their personal favourite of John Hughes’ classics made during the iconic decade, and while this isn’t mine (Sixteen Candles, thank you very much) it does follow the criteria of taking place over 24 hours, and being a great stoner movie. Again, riddled with humour best saved for the times when you’ll laugh at anything, this movie has even less plot than American Graffiti. The kids actually smoke pot at one point, and just tell me that lunch scene doesn’t inspire a ravenous case of the munchies.

3. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (2004)

If it wasn't for weed, I don't think we'd be friends.

Potentially one of the best stoner comedies ever made (I’m not prepared to call it THE best) this movie calls for a giant helping of cannabis to fully enjoy it as it was meant to be seen. A sober mind would ask too many questions, like “Where did the cheetah go, was it all a dream?” “Is there a warrant out for Harold now since he escaped from prison?” “Did Kumar grab the weed when he left?” A toasted mind, however, just sits back and lets it flow by. But if you think you can watch the whole thing and not desperately crave White Castle burgers, you’re too stupid to be using drugs.

2. Dazed and Confused (1993)

"That's what I love about these high school girls man. I get older, they stay the same age."

While Richard Linklater’s undisputed masterpiece is the epitome of both qualifiers, it’s just not quite number one on the list. Where would the stoners of today be without Wooderson and Slater to quote incessantly while fried out of their skulls? That’s a world I just don’t want to live in, man. This movie is so heavy with marijuana references, it’s basically a 2 hour infomercial for the stuff. “Smoke pot and girls will like you! You’ll win fights! Beer will magically appear in your hand and the cool kids will want to hang out with you!!” Not the most accurate portrayal of a chronic pot-head’s lifestyle, but who cares, you’re high as a kite! (For additional entertainment, check out the special features on the Special Edition disc. Especially the Public Service Announcements.)

1. Go (1999)

Even though only one main character smokes weed during this movie, it’s number one on the list because it’s the best movie on the list. I’m a traditionalist. More drug-y than stoner-y, it fits in because it’s trippy as all hell, especially if you’re one of those people who mixes your gear with acid. Completely unrelated to pot or the 24 hour timeline, the scene with Katie Holmes and Timothy Olyphant on the staircase towards the end is one of the hottest fully clothed sex scenes in cinematic history (number one being, of course, Rachel Weisz and Jude Law in Enemy at the Gates) and one of three reasons I watch this flick as often as I do. The others are William Fichtner’s delivery on the line, “It’s not AMWAY it’s CONFERATED PRODUCTS. A different company, a different quality of product.” and Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr talking about their girlfriends in the supermarket.

Auto-reply: Out of Office

2008-08-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

I'm guest bloggin' this week for the Bob and Andrew Show. You can read it here

I'll post something here this weekend.

Advancement in Corporate America, and The Return of Good TV

2008-08-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

After 6 glorious months working for Starbucks, my manager has decided it is time for a promotion. This decision has nothing to do with two of our shift supervisors deciding to cut back their hours, and my manager's disdain of morning shifts, I'm told. (Opening shifts begin at 5:30am.) He would also like to train me as a "Learning Coach" and "Coffee Master." I am really, truly, living the dream.

This new appointment is slated to take effect no later than September of this year. Do you know what else happens in September? If you guessed the new season of Showtime's Dexter, you guessed correctly.

Season 3 of this critically beloved, gritty yet glorious crime drama will premier on September 30, and this fan is counting the day. Especially since Jimmy Smits is joining the cast as Assistant District Attorney, Miguel Prado.Michael C. Hall, who plays the title character on Dexter, is a perfect fit for the show's noir-esque tone. Playing a psychopath isn't easy, but Hall has the perfect mix of boyish charisma and terrorizing intensity.
I'm also re-watching FX's epic sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in preparation for season 4. For those of you not following this particular program, it's likely the funniest thing on television today. Yes, I'm saying it's funnier than NBC's The Office.
It's Always Sunny found its way to television back in 2005 after writers, creators, and stars Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, and Rob McElhenney wrote and shot a pilot episode in Day's apartment for less than 200 bucks. They entered it in a contest FX was having, won, and completed their first season.

The series has been so successful, that Dany Devito joined the cast in the second season, and it's attracted guest stars like Michael Rosenbaum (Smallville) Autumn Reeser (The O.C.) Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) and Brittany Daniel (Joe Dirt, White Chicks), and Judy Greer. I can't sum up Greer's career in parenthesis, so please just google her. She's fantastic.

Also returning this fall is ABC's Pushing Daisies, whose debut season was cut short last year due to the Writer's Guild of America strike. I, for one, am greatly anticipating the direction this unique offering, from creative television vet Bryan Fuller (Wonderfalls), is heading.

Good thing my office hours are 530-1pm... My television schedule is filling out nicely.

Swing Vote: A Pre-view

2008-07-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Swing Vote opens on Friday, and I'd like to go on record saying this movie will suck huge monkey balls. King Kong's balls, this movie will suck.

From what I can infer from the over-hyped, over-played trailer is that Kevin Costner plays Kevin Costner (but his friends call him Bud) in an alternate universe where he has a daughter he doesn't care about and voter turnout in the continental US has raised to an all time high of 100% and Kevin Costner is the only man who hasn't voted, thus leaving the task of picking his country's next leader squarely on our hero's shoulders. Both candidates then proceed to "swing his vote" to their side in what will inevitably be a giant pissing contest, with the American health care, education, and military systems as the target.

"Well, I was going to vote for Obama, but his name wasn't on the ballot... so I left."

What's perhaps most intriguing (read: aggravating) about this set-up is that the two MEN running for President are Whiter than Wonderbread Kelsey Grammar and Whiter, but in a more "Southern" way, Dennis Hopper. What is this, the 1940's? Times have changed man, if anyone's been paying attention to CNN, The Daily Show, or every magazine cover in the past six months.

The results are in.

What could have been a well timed and topical commentary on this, a revolutionary year for American politics, will end up being a mushy, manipulative, Oscar bait performance piece about family, probably, and maybe courage, and civic duty, I guess.

"I thought I'd use this new found fame to launch my band, The Costner Brothers. My what? No.. my brother isn't in the band, that's just what it's called... everyone else is doing it."

Even after 6 years of parading white guy after white guy through the white house, the creative team behind The West Wing had the foresight to mix it up a little by introducing Jimmy Smits as presidential long shot Matt Santos, a Hispanic congressman who favored honesty and integrity over winning the election.

In order to evolve we must change.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's not that I hate white people, or men. I believe there are a multitude of qualities one must have to fill the role of President (and succeed in doing a good job), and not being white isn't necessarily one of them. Some of this country's greatest Presidents have been white men, that's an undisputed fact. However, so have some of the worst.

I just think it's time we allow the people in power to be more representative of the people in their country, and maybe, for now, that means a person who didn't grow up privileged in Texas, or on the East Coast. Sure, those two regions are important, but it's evident that those white people have their shit together. It's the people in the flyover states, of all races, (see any Michael Moore documentary for examples) who need attention.